Strong Bad Email: Jillion Dollars
by Homer Starrun
Summary: Strong Bad answers Michael's email, asking if Strong Bad had, like, a jillion dollars, what he would spend it on.


Strong Bad Email: Jillion dollars

Strong Bad is checking his email on his Compy 386, like he always does. He is typing "strongbademail.exe", as usual. He is also doing an email rap.

"When I say e, you say mail! E..." began Strong Bad, when nobody responded.

"Mail!" answered Strong Bad in a light voice to imitate a crowd.

"E!"

"Mail!"

Then Strong Bad pressed enter and got his email.

**Dear Strong Bad,**

**If you had, like, a jillion dollars, what would you spend it on?**

**Sincerelty,**

**Michael**

**Espanola, NM**

"Dear Strong Bad," read Strong Bad from his computer, "If you had, like, a jillion dollars, what would you spend it on? Sincerelty, what the crap? Sincerely misspelled, Mitch Ail, Eesp, Esp, ESP, er, Psychanola N and M's."

"Well Mitch," typed Strong Bad, "that's an obvious question! So obvious, that it's a waste of an email, but now you have to know. Okay, the first thing I would buy using my, like, a jillion dollars are lifetime supplies of Swiss Cake Rolls and Cold Ones. Speaking of which...

"Hey the Cheat!" shouted Strong Bad as he stopped typing and The Cheat came.

"(Cheatise noises)" asked The Cheat.

"Get me a box of Swiss Cake Rolls and a Cold One by the end of my explanation on the lifetime supply of Swiss Cake Rolls and Colds Ones."

"(Two Cheatise noises)" responded The Cheat as he dashed off.

"Yeah, it's a tire to go all the way to Bubs' and buy those Swiss Cake Rolls and Cold Ones. They aren't even original in taste. Bubs must have infected them with his 'secret horrorific ingredient'. Also, I have to waste money every time I get them..." typed Strong Bad.

"Uh, Strong Bad? You _are _wasting money on the lifetime supply of Swiss Cake Rolls and Cold Ones, and that's the same cost as buying them from Bubs' Concession Stand," explained Strong Sad, who was next to Strong Bad.

"I don't care, get lost," ordered Strong Bad.

"I can't, Strong Mad locked me out of my room, having a party with a broomstick. Anyway, how many times do I have to tell you a jillion's not a number?" asked Strong Sad.

"Get lost now, or else," threatened Strong Bad.

"What? You don't have anything valuable that I own. Gooblie is safe with me."

"But I've got Gooblie's girlfriend, Kooblie, and what I'm going to do to her isn't going to be pretty if you don't leave in five seconds!" threatened Strong Bad.

At that, Strong Sad ran away.

"Also, another benefit is if I always need Swiss Cake Rolls or a Cold One, I can always get it. Of course, I have to install a high-security system to prevent the King of Dorks to get in my vault. He can eat a lifetime supply of whales and he wouldn't differ in his fat. Also, since it's lifetime supply, they'll never run out. If I die, they die with me," typed Strong Bad as he typed King of Dorks while saying "King of Town".

Then The Cheat came and made Cheat noises.

"Great, sold out. You can go now. And I'll go to number two," said Strong Bad as The Cheat left.

"Number two, I'd buy _golden boxing gloves!_ Yeah, they're sooooooo magnificent! And shiny, and a little heavy for extra punching power. Also, girls would try to kiss them and fall in love with them, so they would have some automatic cleaning system in the boxing gloves so they won't become red, or worse, pink!" typed Strong Bad as he went to a new page.

"And finally, I'd buy what I have been having my eye on in Bubs' Concession Stand in the Technochocolate section, if this computer somehow gets out of my service, the Compy _Four_-Eighty-Six! No offense to you man, but it'd be so awesome!" typed Strong Bad as we change to the computer room with the Compy 486, a gray computer with separate contrast buttons, but otherwise, looked the same as the 386 version. Strong Bad is also wearing the golden boxing gloves.

"Anyway, the Compy 486 would have a system to change from black background with white letters to white background to black letters," said Strong Bad as the Compy 486 changed background.

Then Strong Bad typed in "strongbademail.exe" and pressed enter, making the email appear in black letters.

**Dear Strong Bad, don't you think it's cold?**

**Just Curious**

"Also, it would also have a delete and save option, thingie. So I can always click on the delete button, and a cool sequence would happen," said Strong Bad.

The new Strong Bad pressed a button to make the computer have a black background with white letters and clicked "delete" and the email disappeared while a little sound was made that was not a "beep", but a "whir". Then he went to the next email.

**You are THE BEST PERSON EVA!**

**Michelle**

"Thank you! I think I'll save this!" said the new Strong Bad as he clicked on "save" and the email was gone as a "ding" sound was heard with a message "email saved, forever". Then he went to the next email.

**How do you type with boxing gloves on?**

**Patrick**

"And if I get one of those boxing gloves emails, I can scroll over that email and click delete, deleting and blocking all boxing gloves emails from the computer foreva!" explained Strong Bad as the new Strong Bad did so, making the computer do a loud "whir" sound.

"Also, I can access the internet, where I can finally check out Strong dot com!" said Strong Bad.

The new Strong Bad typed "Internet", pressed enter, and went to a black screen with large white letters "**_Internet_**". Then he typed strongbad . com and pressed enter. The message "404, File Not Found" appeared.

"What the crap? Uh, Strong Bad dot _com_!" said the new Strong Bad as he typed in the address again, getting the message "404, dude, doesn't exist."

"Strong Bad dot COM!" shouted the new Strong Bad as he typed in the address, getting the message, "Just quit looking for an inexistent website!"

"WHY CAN'T YOU LOOK FOR STRONG DOT FREAKIN COM?!" shouted the new Strong Bad as he punched the computer several times, banging it up and breaking the screen and computer, picked it up and threw it through the wall as it went flying away from the house.

"Oh yeah, for number two. The boxing gloves would have some throwing and aiming system as well," added in Strong Bad

The ruined computer landed in a trash can, where Bubs came.

"Oh look, the financial gods gave me another broken-down used computer to sell!" exclaimed Bubs as he carried the computer to his Concession Stand. Then we go back to the real computer room (with Compy 386 and red boxing gloves).

"So that's what I would use for my, like, a jillion dollars, Ale," typed Strong Bad, "I don't know what the problem with Strong dot com is. It doesn't work on this computer, but it did on The Cheat's computer! Before it went down on a virus. Anyway, I'm going to Strong Mad's party. Sounds pretty cool."

Then the paper saying the usual message appeared as Strong Bad left.

EASTER EGGS:

Click on the signature at the beginning of the email to see a bag of M&M's with the words "Psychanola N&M's" taped on with pictures of The Cheat's replacing Red and Yellow.

Click on horrorific secret ingredient to see a purple bottle that says: "Bubs' Horrorific Secret Ingredient."

Click on high-security system to see a white box with a picture of a red string, which says "Hi! Security System!". It says on the box "Finest red string found in our house!" Also on the box is a label that says "Property of the King of Town."

Click on Strong Bad dot com to go to Strong Bad's website (which is strongbad . net), where you'll see the intro from Homestar , except Strong Bad is the one running, and the kids are singing "Holy Crap" until Strong Bad says "Holy Crap, that's what you are!" However, it'll then go to a 404 screen.

Click on Strong Mad's party to see Strong Mad and Strong Bad trashing Strong Sad's room by jumping on the bed while "The System is Down" is playing. Strong Mad is holding a broomstick. Strong Bad is holding an Xtra Cold One and a Swiss Cake Roll. Strong Sad is knocking on his door, repeatitively saying "Can I have my room back?"


End file.
